September slump

30 Sep

September was bound to be hard.

I spent most days coming home to an empty house — to a dreamflat that no longer housed my best friend or my boyfriend.  I am proud of them both for moving to follow their dreams, but it’s difficult to miss someone; it’s painful.

I threw myself into work. I worked all the time which was bittersweet.  It is fun to make money, but the atmosphere’s so loud and pulsing. It’s fake, exhausting, and repetitive. To smile so much, to deal with rejection from people I don’t even like, and to interact with others who want to take and take was emotionally draining.  Not to mention having to shower twice a day.  In September, I woke up still tired.  I do love my job but burn out happened quickly.

It was hard to get recharged.  There was no-one to come home to. Sometimes, after work, I would just lay on the floor because I was too tired to shower, but too filthy to get into bed; a different perspective of the same room.


Dream flat from the floor.


I needed to find something fulfilling to do with my days. I turned to blog writing, but I was just reliving the past to where it felt like the world was becoming smaller; the universe was reducing possibilities until all that was left was sustenance.  I learned to never (ever) write as many blogs about one country as I did for New Zealand.

I thought about reading or free writing about the future instead of the past. But the days in September were a grind– the white noise of contemporary American life.

I spent a lot of time Face-timing, especially Col. He told me he was sleeping in his “office bed,” and that only when we are together does it feel like home.  I agreed and spent September in my own office bed (or office floor).  I made a few solo Blue Apron meals until I canceled them, went to the gym, and spent heaps of time cleaning (the laundry room got a great wipe down).  I did grown up things like visit the dermatologist and took my car for a much-needed check-up.  Mouse sounded as horrible as I felt.  And the dreamflat porch was in absolute shambles.  Literally falling apart.  I rent, so it’s okay, but my house’s outsides matched my insides. 



Woe is me.
But the month wasn’t
all bad. Even though the dream flat was lonely, the stove got fixed and is no longer tilting backwards.  A small victory.

I still spent lots of Friday afternoons having lunch with wee Emily, which was joyful.  One time I got to see her use her hair as a hand towel. Apryl, Erin, and Laura also made casual appearances. Em and I were making our way around the fountain clock.  During one lunch, we went to a place where “everything here is fried.”

That night, wee Emily invited me to see Matteo Lane in the Southside, and, since I was a flight risk, Emily graciously spent the whole day with me to make sure I wouldn’t bail. ❤ Good friend.  The show was fantastic.  After, we all went out for a drink and talked about TINP as a tattoo —  “cus I’m a T.I.N.P”.


Some more good September Standouts include:
-A super fun hang with Trisha and Joe!
-Lunch with Momma Candy and Angie
-Collin asking me for notes on his sets ❤
-That one day at work where all my favorites were there (briefly).
-Mine and Col’s longest scooter ride to date
-Dessert at the farmers market with fresh figs
-Crazy nights at work with rich people, including a food tab that I got part of to go
-A sleep over with my mom plus thrift store shopping, leftovers, and Tilapi-yum 
-A new kind of face mask
-My skinned knees healed
Patrick graciously ushered me into his fantasy football league.  



Friends 🙂


I also saw Col in person!  We went to 7 Springs where I helped him with a mic swap. He said it was his best trip there yet #honored. Although, he also said that the last time he was there they put a dead skunk in his room, so it wasn’t exactly a tough competition.

We went for a fun hike on the Watercress trail and asked for directions at the start.  There was also bath time and a memorable moment when someone forgot their girlfriend’s name (it wasn’t Collin).  The next morning we enjoyed our free breakfast tickets with a fantastic spread (including imposter whipped cream).


Giving them pumpkin’ to talk about.



I can’t believe IT IS butter.


One Thursday, while Collin was in Pittsburgh, we caught a 10pm movie — our first movie in theaters together. We were the only ones in that entire show and there was so much LOVE and genuine kindness between the two of us (#always). We ordered kettle corn with butter (both a game-changer and a night-ruiner), cherry coke, and hazelnut M&Ms, which we enjoyed from the comfort of one single reclining chair.

The next day, we celebrated Hanna’s “birthday” (read: free dessert).  It was fried ice cream, there was a Pilsbury doughboy moment, and ice cream was everywhere.  Happens to the best of us on our birthdays!

Collin and I also drove up for a quick trip to Cleveland, Ohio for a crowd work show. We listened to Audible on the way and I got to see my dear friend Andy.



Pro tip: boyfriends who keep you laughing


At the end of the month, some trees started to change colors – becoming a vibrant red depending on, what seems like, their trees personalities #Treesonalities.
A silver lining to a less than great month? It’s going to be a gorgeous fall.



Col ‘planting’ himself in my living room.


I’ll leave you with some contemplative words, ‘cus it was that kind of month:


“As I’m aging, the bliss of the novel gives way to a yearning for the familiar. I leaned to travel when I felt it. And I still do feel it. But less now.  Every journey has its end. The trick, of course, is to recognize it.” – J Maartin.


But all joking aside, even though I’m not joking.
Going to therapy soon — you guys need anything?

One Response to “September slump”

  1. mollydworsky December 12, 2019 at 5:57 pm #

    So much to live for!! What does TINP stand for ????

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