Tag Archives: Laugh

Flying High

10 Jul

Greetings all of you fun-seeking, generous, kind people!
I just got back from the loving United States of America.
(Yes, again.)

This time it was for 20 days!



I celebrated my birthday (24!), Nicks birthday (27!), America’s birthday (235!), Fathers Day (shout out, Deekerson!), attended two breathtaking weddings, spent time in Pittsburgh, Alaska, Ithaca, and Boonville (it’s a real place), plus earned $300 in US Airway money due to an overbooked flight.
!!!!!!! It was the best 20 days of my life 🙂

The worst bit, though, is that I didn’t even warn you that I was going.
In this, my father has already expressed his disappointment.

Honestly, I have a plethora of great excuses.
Well, okay, two. But they’re good ones.

In your interest, dear reader, I am dividing these excuses into two blog posts.
Your welcome.

I’m going to start with my favorite topic and my first justification; The Motherland: Clearly I didn’t write on my blog while I was in America (aka the land of the free) because I was busy moving in slow motion, mouth agape, with the…
…Choices! (Even the ‘smallest’ gas station is brimming!)
…Variety! (Restaurants! Menus! Wegmans!)
…*Stimulation! (Driving on the road I was cautious and leisurely.)

*(About this last one, Nick got antsy and insisted on sitting in the drivers seat citing a desire to “not spend double the amount of time in the car”. I was happy to be a passenger enjoying the ride!)

Some things never change:
Yes, I still stare at strangers (people watching is my favorite activity), experience social anxiety when interacting with others (did I mention two weddings??), and I am perpetually fascinated with white people (letting your dog lick off of your ice cream cone, really?)

A brief synopsis:
In Pittsburgh: I hugged my parents, touched every object in my room (for the first time in 16 months!!), played games, went shopping (I love sales!), enjoyed North Park, and ate out at restaurants of my choice (anything but Caribbean).

In Alaska: I went on amazing hikes, jumped on a trampoline at the top of a mountain (see photo), relished in the vistas, spent time with Nicks family!, visited an old friend (Gabi), purchased a souvenir mug (which is with me in Jamaica), got my nails painted (glitter!), and Brandi & James got hitched!!!!!!

In Ithaca: I saw best friends (Colleen, Simone, Catherine – missed Laura), went swimming (in waterfalls and ponds), pined for avocados (called pears & ‘tis the season!), talked books, played with children, won a doubles tennis match, ate homegrown organic lettuce and basil that Nick raised (so proud, so proud!).

In Booneville: I went for a bike ride (with two hotties), attended a beautiful wedding, ate cake (twice!) met more of Nicks cool family (Olga, Hedi, Bonnie, love!), spent time with Kirks (so awesome!), enjoyed camp, got the daylights scared out of me by a bottle-rocket-firework-extravaganza, then got snuggled.

Jumping on top of a mountain in Alaska

Wow-y Wowza did I have an amazing time.
I’ve turned a shade of red, white, and blue.
I loved loved loved it there.
Happy Birthday, girl.

But she can’t get all the credit for my happiness.
No siree!
It’s you guys that made my trip.
ALL of you guys; my incredible family and friends (old and new). — You make my life so special and so so worth living. Not to mention hilarious. I love spending time with you and I look forward to every single hug that we share.

Most of you didn’t know I was coming to the US until I arrived and thus I didn’t get to see all of you (some people still don’t know that I came and left!) And to those loved ones, I owe a very hearty apology. I am genuinely remorseful that we didn’t spend time together and I am so sorry if you feel slighted that I didn’t call/e-mail/blog before I came to America.
Please know that I love composing, divulging, and sharing my world with you.
And I love your energy. Your conversations. Your input.

There is one more reason I did not write before my trip. — a second justification.
I’ll give you a clue in picture form followed by hints (disguised as observations):


A. Small bed (specifically designed for one person) with white, generic sheets
B. Needle in arm with IV taped at an uncomfortable angle
C. Hands holding belly coupled with a pained expression
D. Harsh lighting that is making a real tan look spray-on

In my next post you’ll see more of these highly unflattering photos but for now…
Your challenge is to deduce:
Where. is. Sammi??

dun dun dun.

Thus ends this segment of explanations and apologies in reference to my lack of communication re: my upcoming (and now past) visit to the Motherland. For the duration July (have I mentioned how realistic 24-years-old has made me?!), I am working on providing timely updates. So, we can all look forward to that.

*The next post will, of course, explain the picture above.*

One more thing!
I forgot to tell you, on my flight back to Jamaica (the 4th of July), after spending those glorious 20 days in America, US Airways (because of overbooking) upgraded my airplane tickets to first class resulting in free snacks, drinks, and a new sense of unrivaled patriotism.

Thank you, US Airways.
And thank you for reading.

As much as I love America, I love YOU even more.

Stars and stripes forever,


17 Apr

Happy Sunday, ya’ll!

I’ve been in Jamaica for over a year now (I think I just like sayin’ that) and I’ve learned…well, something.
Here are some Pearls of Wisdom:

-Fruit is always in season and it’s delicious!

-Roosters do not crow only at dawn (although I wish they did).

-It’s routine – regardless if you know their name– to call people by:
1) Skin color or Ethnicity
2) Occupation or Current activity
3) Unique feature or Body part
Eg; Black man, Mr. Chin, Driver, Tall man, Big woman, Brown girl, Red shirt, One eye

-The louder the music, the bigger your cock.

-The ‘load basic html’ buttons were designed for developing countries.

-A letter/package with your name on it makes you the most loved person in the world!!

-Chicken tastes better when you saw it running around the day before you eat it. I can’t tell you why.

-No matter how many people are on a bus/taxi/coaster they can (and will) fit more.

-Stuffed animals are dirty, hard, decorative, and not to be snuggled.

-In patwa, three and tree are pronounced exactly the same. This gets confusing during a rousing game of word association.

-Everywhere – market, taxi park, a full bus – can turn into a place of worship with the addition of a preacher. Or a vocal man who thinks he is a preacher.

-A ‘salad’ is not green but rather, pale. It consists of a spoonful of shredded cabbage, grated carrot, plus a pinch of sugar.

-I can bathe with one gallon of water.

-It is normal for black, ‘fluffy’ women to wear skintight shirts with white pop-starlets screened on them. (what?!). Yes, Jessica Simpson, Shakira, Ashley Tisdale (who?) all s t r e t c h e d until they are barely recognizable. – I won’t pretend like I haven’t worn shirts like this at points in my life (I am a Britney fan) – but the contrast of big black womens bosoms distorting young blond airheads is pretty incredible. This being true, I’d like all of you to rest assured that when you see a shirt for sale that has a picture of someone really trivial/obscure pasted onto it (most likely because it was misread how popular said pop-star was going to be), it will be worn somewhere in the world and it will make a person who understands the absurdity of the situation laugh.

-If asked, say you’re “de pon da Gully side”.

-It is NEVER a good idea to be too lazy to refill the water bottles and put them in the fridge (see primero blog-o when I drank the last of the cold water). You never know when the water is going to cut out.

-Underwear can be worn inside-out for added longevity before washing.

-Popcorn is a cheap, fun vegetable.

-There is no way not to stand out if you’re a white person. This means nothing can be done under the radar ie, nonchalantly; nod head to music, scratch an itch in your nose, fix a wedgie.

-Wearing a ring and saying you’re married does not deter persistent Jamaican men. Wearing two rings also does not work.

-Laundry is best washed early in the morning so that 1) You don’t die of heat exhaustion and 2) It has ample time to dry before afternoon rain. Mold is terrible to get rid of. And stinks like death.

-If you have a dog she is going to try and eat poop; act accordingly.

-Don’t give your number out to women you’ve just met on a bus, they might text it to their son/brother/cousin or obsessively call you.

-Given the choice between spilling copious amounts of salt ALL over the floor or *catching it just in time* and sacrificing only a teeny amount of sugar in what seems to be one spot — spill the salt.
-In a very related ‘pearl’, ants are sugar FIENDS.

-If the right side of the road has too many potholes, drive on the wrong side.

-Mosquitoes are not, as I previously thought, a “dusk” bug…as in they only come out in the evening. I’ve been bitten by 8:30 AM, 1PM and Midnight.

– “It was raining” is an acceptable excuse as to why you didn’t do something/go out (as long as it did really rain for a few minutes on the day in question).

-Bring your own toilet paper.

-Sometimes your text messages don’t really send…sometimes they send x100…sometimes only half is sent; coming off like a jerk, psychopath or having ADD is to be expected.

-Always charge your phone/ipod/computer when the battery is low. You never know when you might be without power for an extended period of time.

-Oh, and don’t bother to quickly dry your soapy hands and then excitedly rush to the phone when you get a new text message – it’s probably just Digicel…again.

-Saying, “I’m a Peace Corps Volunteer” doesn’t get much street credit (I know, I’m surprised, too). Not only do Jamaicans not know what Peace Corps is, they are often not familiar with the verb ‘volunteer’.

-Don’t pet the dogs. Better yet, avoid dogs.

Sure, it’s a work in progress. But all this after a year?!
Try not to let your head explode.

Until next time:

Make good choices, play word association, eat your salad, don’t buy ridiculous pop t-shirts, and fill your water bottles.